|1 Month on Hormones ~ November 29, 2011|
Two years and some months later, I'm so in awe of my courageous being of August 2011. This has "stuck." I've never felt quite so solid and grounded identity/authenticity-wise, despite all my other emotional struggles. I can't thank you enough, self. When things get rough, I can always direct my gaze to this brave decision and act, this personal truth for encouragement and a sense of purpose. Thank you for this greatest of gifts. ~ Me ♥
"My Gender Transition: August 30, 2011 4:14am
Throughout my life, I have presented myself as male and been perceived and treated as such. For a while now, I have considered myself more gender fluid and gone back and forth between male, female, and the other blends and mixes that encompass the wonderful spectrum and diversity of gender. However, I've come to the realization that deep down in my sub-conscious and in my ideal world, I am female.
I won't say that I've always been a woman trapped in a man's body. My body is my own, it appears male, and I love it. I'm lucky to have it. There is dissonance though. As much as I do love my male body, I want a female one, because that is where I feel most at home. Looking back on my life, knowing what I do now, it is obvious to me that I have always really been female. This is not the same as saying that I've always been feminine even though I have been. Female does not equal feminine, just as male does not always equal masculine. My decision has more to do about wanting to be perceived and treated in the world in accordance with the way I perceive myself, which is female, rather than taking on feminine traits (For anyone who knows me, it's clear that I don't need a transition to get in touch with my feminine side). It has gotten harder and harder to "go back" to being a male out in the world in my day to day life. I've recently been presenting myself as female more often out and about, and nearly all the time at home when I can. The way I look and the way my brain works and feels seems so much more aligned now. I'm happy, comfortable, and there is an innate sense of rightness about this. This is why I'm transitioning.
I understand that this is not an immediate change. It will take time, and I will continue to process and feel along the way, but I'm initiating this transition. I am not sure of some things such as if I will pursue a sexual reassignment surgery. I may not know that for a while, or I may seem to know tomorrow. Every day I feel my fears and negative concerns around gender and societal standards/expectations dissipating. I do know that I want to have a more female balance of hormones and the physical and emotional changes that usually accompany them. To this end, I do plan on hormone replacement therapy. Other than that, we'll see where this path takes me, and I am so happy to be on it.
A note on my gender identity:
I am identifying as female. With that, please refer to me with the appropriate female pronouns, as that is what I prefer. I understand that many of you have primarily seen me presenting as male in the past and that mistakes in pronoun usage may happen. I won't be offended, but please, make the effort. Also, Britton is still fine as it's a gender-interchangable name anyway, and I like it."